Category: Prose

I’ve never really taken new year’s resolutions seriously. For example last year I promised myself I would read 50 books and revise a lot for my upcoming GCSE examinations, (I managed to read about 20 books and my work ethic lacked a lot.) However as I write this blog at the break of dawn, on the first day of 2016, I have an overwhelming urge to make some resolutions that I can keep.

Resolution no.1  read 25 books.

Resolution no.2  to not smoke a single cigarette until the 01/01/17.

Resolution no.3  do something nice for my mum at least once a week.

As I reflect back on the year 2015 I’ve realized, as usual, that I have attempted to do far too much. You see, dear readers, I am the sort of person whom never lets an opportunity go to waste, so if someone informs me about a club or invites me to an event I will almost certainly say yes. Though this is a reasonably positive way of living (in my opinion anyway) it does mean I end up struggling to manage my time for each particular event, after all there are only 24 hours in a day! Even more detrimentally I find myself being mediocre at a lot of stuff but not great at one particular thing. I’ve become far too holistic in recent years, I think 2016 will be the year where I really drill down on one or two things so that I can be great.

Josh

01-01-16

Before I even write these words I have subconsciously tested the composition of these words and my brain has meticulously matched my sentence structure with a different order which I have read or learnt about. And thus I deem a sentence to be ‘good’ or ‘bad’ from what I’ve perceived from a variety of sources; I find this frustrating. It does beg the question, where does originality exist?

Why is starting a sentence with the word ‘because’ recognized as informal, messy or childish? Why are elongated elaborate sentences regarded to be ‘better’ more sophisticated?

Personally, I think the reason young people are deterred from literacy is because authors lack authenticity. The majority of authors ‘toe the party line’, the ‘party’ being the obnoxious  bald crusty old men whom studied previous bald crust old men to receive their doctorate. These professors squash and compress young authors until the authenticity they once held vanishes leaving behind robots programmed to write in the same old mundane pattern.

Fuck!?your-Opinion

Josh

05-12-15

Biro pen marks on the tree,

etched and scratched to such a degree,

that wandering men walking their pedigree,

will shuffle, gruntle and disagree.

in the green meadow young wild and free,

young trees untamed reminding me-

that scarecrows do have feelings! They just want to be,

left alone to guard their family treat.

Do this, do that do everything but me,

for originality belongs in your vivid imaginary,

stick to the figures, make use of your skill,

hasn’t your mother ever told you that creativity kills?

“If you want to watch, you have to pay a fee!”

said the man behind the counter who was oblivious to the bee,

and so it landed on his neck and gave him a lick,

I didn’t even pay! I just took the mick.

*PROCRASTINATION*

Josh

28-05-15

Although it gives me; sweaty palms, teary eyes,

stomach cramps, feelings of self-harm.

Although it make me; feel as if I’m on a bullet train,

on a descending airplane, curl up in a ball,

scream in my mind.

Although it; pollutes my mind, contaminates my soul,

violates my train of thought.

Without it, life just wouldn’t be the same.

Josh

24-05-15

Everyone loves it when a wealthy man gives away money for charitable stuff or maybe for the Arts. He might even be called a philanthropist. The word philanthropy has connotations with good things such as generosity and kindness however, in reality the modern day philanthropist is anything but that. Take for example Warren Buffett who made his riches as an investor and has the largest share on one of the largest companies in America, Berkshire Hathaway. He has given away around 3.2% of his net worth, which is 1.8 billion dollars to charitable causes. However, I don’t understand why all of a sudden he is hailed as a good or honorable man when the manner in which he made his profit’s was anything but that. He maximized profit by adding tight quotas on his companies spending budget and by having minimal improvements made to his workplace. Rather than increasing pensions and increasing the quality of his workers lives, which would ultimately reduce profit, he chose to focus solely on reeling the money into his bank account. Only after his large sum of money, which was stored in off short bank accounts, piled ridiculously high did he turn to ‘higher causes’ like donating money to charity and to the arts.

Despicable.

My one week study leave is coming to an end. After this weekend I begin my exam period with Religious Studies being my first exam on Monday. Revision has been a complicated affair for me, I’ve been reading numerous textbooks and trying to absorb a lot of information in one go, and I worry whether most of it will stay with me. The only thing which is keeping me sane is the meticulous planning of my extra long summer, post GCSE’s. I am currently salivating at the prospect of being able to play league without the constant guilt nagging at the back of mind or something as simple as doing nothing for the whole day.

I will try to keep updating this blog regularly, however taking into consideration current stress levels and the looming exam period, forgive me if the posts come in irregular intervals.

Josh

08/05/15

1. EMBRACE how insignificant your life is, you are just another person trapped in a Roller coaster we call Life and however loud you scream, your voice will not stand out from the rest of the passengers. I feel as if humans have adapted recently at a faster rate then ever before, possibly due to the popularity in social media, to harbor thoughts of self importance. This is reflected in how society helps treat people with low self confidence. Rather than delving deeper in to the subjects mind to find the root of his or her lack of self esteem, we just stuff the subject with bullshit such as ‘you’re important!’ or ‘you mean something’ and most infuriating of all ‘you owe yourself more than this.’ This is, as doctors recognize world-wide, a backwards process as more often than not the subject ends up being an even bigger emotional wreck when they realize that they were lied to. The realization that their life actually means very little in the grand scheme of things is tough on them as they have been brainwashed by the doctrine of self-importance. I believe only when we accept that our lives are insignificant, we can lead calm lives without worry from external sources.

2. Exist less in the minds of others. Humans in general are great at exaggerating who we are and what we do, I think this is because we have always made connotations between ‘self-worth’ and the judgement of others. Far too often we find ourselves looking through the eyes and minds of others, we are quick to dismiss our own ideals for someone else who has more wealth than you or are more influential. However in doing so we are enslaving ourselves to the judgment of others and until we can regard our own opinion just as much as others we will be handcuffed to the other man’s feet. Dear reader you can only start to live a calmer life when you develop an awareness of your beautifully minuscule place on the wider scheme of things. 

3. Appreciate your life, as it is preciously limited. Appreciate the little things is life like how your mother wish’s you a good day every morning, or how the old man that you see every morning lets you in the bus before himself.

p.s Dear reader, if ever you feel anxious or you feel as if the world’s pressing down on you, relish in the fact that even on our own planet there are millions of people out there who are indifferent to you. They know nothing about you, or the dilemmas of your career and intern you know nothing about them.

I hope this helped you feel better.

Josh

05/05/15

Secondary school is over. My mother and I celebrated my last day of secondary school at a local Korean restaurant. We had some black bean noodles which traditionally, graduates would eat in Korea as a form of ceremony. Although my Mother was extremely proud of me and was ecstatic for my ‘achievements’ her emotions just weren’t rubbing off on me, however hard I tried I couldn’t share her excitement.

Fast forward to this morning-while reading last weeks edition of The Economist I wondered why I could not share my Mothers festivity yesterday, and you know what dear reader, I think I’ve figured it out. During our celebratory meal my mother was thinking ahead, she was looking forward into the distant future. She saw my graduation as another ‘life-hurdle’ of sorts I had successfully jumped over, I suppose for my mother seeing both her sons graduate safely was another tick off her bucket list.

However, I saw my graduation discordantly. To me yesterday felt like the end of the carefree ambiance I lived and resided in. It signified the end of my childhood, what once had a light purple tint was now just a mundane miserable damp morning.

To mark the end of year 11 we had a light-hearted assembly celebrating our year groups achievements. In a serious of unfortunate events I ended up winning the ‘cutest year 7’ award, and my prize came in the form of my year 7 mugshot being projected for everyone’s viewing pleasure. While I examined my pre-pubescent face typically lacking any jaw definition, I couldn’t help but feel rather melancholy as I could remember my time in year 7 as if it were yesterday. And this is where my mother and I differ, for whilst she looked ahead my sight were fixated into the past. Graduation for me meant I was one-step closer towards a grey-er future; with grey suits, grey cars, grey jobs, and grey lives.

What I’m trying to say I suppose is that one cannot only dwell in the past. Our lives are attached to this arrow we call ‘time’, and however hard we try to stop it or slow it down by trying to relive past memories, it will continue to go forward. Life is like trying to walk up the wrong escalator, if you walk normally you’ll stay in the same spot, if you run you’ll slowly make progress, but if you stand still you’ll end up going backwards. And that is exactly what I was doing, I was standing still reminiscing the past and that’s why I was feeling so down, I was going backwards.

I digress..

Anyhow after 5 years of both up’s and downs I can proudly present to you my form 11AR.

Josh

02/05/15

I think that we are at our weakest when we are asleep because when we are asleep we are unconscious. We’re unaware of our surroundings and we could easily be captured, injured or even worse killed. This confuses me deeply, natural selection favors the organism with the best characteristics to thrive, hunt and reproduce in the case of our ancestors. Therefore as to why we haven’t evolved to survive off less sleep is bewildering to me. We are least productive whilst asleep,  we could be gathering wood, hunting animals or wooing cave-women. But alas, no us Humans have evolved to spend 8 hours a day lying on our back doing literally, not figuratively, nothing.

If you haven’t read between the lines yet, I hate sleep. I think I despise sleep because it epitomizes human laziness.

Ask yourselves, who are you if you don’t learn, feel, touch or think? We were thrown into this world unwillingly and rather than spending the finite time we have left discovering the complexity and beauty of this planet, we waste on average 8 hours a day sleeping! Hypothesize with me for a moment, imagine a God chucked us into this world, and then imagine how infuriated and pissed off herm would be to find out that you are wasting nearly half your day doing nothing, essentially sticking two fingers at herms gift of life.

The general elections are 10 days away and the top 5 contenders are all scrambling, trying to use the internet as their tool in spreading their propaganda. But dear readers please do not be fooled by any of them. However often they may argue about certain topics and although their manifestos all prioritize different aspects of society, they can only be described as, different sides of the same coin. They are all power hungry, they have all been funded by individuals and companies and therefore very biased towards them. Don’t be brainwashed by the recent ITV programs, feebly marketed as a ‘debate’ where Cameron and Milliband can show off their skills of rhetoric to an extremely large audience, to try and win your vote. They are like male peacocks they flash their feathers, dazzle the audience, they give you a short glimpse of hope for a fairer more socially just future. But alas this capitalist society we live in, unintentionally nurtures power hungry men who have no sense of responsibility and constantly yearn for more money.

I only ask for one thing of you 50 odd viewers. Imagine you are the victim of this unjust world as you are most likely currently benefiting from this society. Strive to create and to be part of a world where, if unborn babies could choose their families, no matter what family the baby chose s/he would be able to have the same; opportunities, the same education and the same quality of life, so that ultimately the baby’s choice actually isn’t important, as essentially every family whatever the race religion or history are all the same.

P.s sorry for the long blog post, I have a lot going through my mind and putting some of these thoughts on to paper help me stay sane.

Josh

27/04/15

For me, trying to revise is like trying to stay cross legged on a trampoline while your friends are jumping up and down around you. For the first few seconds you’re concentrating real hard contracting your core muscles and staying seated and then-thud- out of nowhere your fat friend crashes down and knocks you off your balance. Personally I think chairs will be the death of our species, they are the number 1 cause of lower back problems in both the USA and in the UK, and even worse 4% of the Amazon rain-forest is logged for the factorization of these timbered time bombs, this is most probably why I cannot stay seated and still for more than 2 minutes.

I’ve never really fussed about my hair, i either grew it for 3 months and chopped it all off or maintained a short hairstyle getting a trim every few weeks. But just over a month ago two of my close friends and I made a promise to each other that we wouldn’t get a haircut until our exams were over. It wasn’t really a serious promise no blood contracts were signed or anything like that, however for some reason even though my hair is at that awkward not short but not long stage I think I will stick to this promise. I’ve never grown out my hair before, and as I’m 16 with years of even more regrettable decisions surely too come I feel as if this is a good time to test out a new look.

You, yeah you. The reader from Singapore Waddup man you da real MVP

Josh

23/04/15

The days are really starting to get longer now the sun set today at 20:01. 

Thankfully my drama performance went by without any major hiccups or mistakes. As horrible as it may sound I could sense a collective sigh of relief from my group after a member who has a track record of choking on stage went through his ‘dramatic’ monologue stammer free. The fact that I have completed a GCSE feels as if a massive weight has been lifted of my shoulders, the remaining 10 odd subjects seem surprisingly less daunting now that I’ve put Drama to one side.

Recently you might have noticed poems of ‘etiquette’ around London bus-stops and train stations. This is due to a new initiative set up by TFL to encourage better environmentally friendly behavior in a new ‘edgy’ way. TFL have called out to all the aspiring poets and eco-enthusiasts to enter into a poetry competition with the top prizes including a chance for your poem to be put up at a station of your choice. An example being-